my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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