I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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