if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
