Only a mothe r could love this liver
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
