I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
did i walk over a car last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
