Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
