if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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