I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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