So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
