ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
