I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
