I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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