I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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