We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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