If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
