Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She bit a glass in half.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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