Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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