she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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