Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
