it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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