Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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