Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
