SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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