He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
