Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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