I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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