It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize