Cold hands, warm shart.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
