Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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