Yo dont text me then not text me
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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