Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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