i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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