i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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