I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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