So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
