Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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