He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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