i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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