Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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