i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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