suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
