All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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