I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
