so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
