I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
