i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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