we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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