I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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