What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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