Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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