I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
