I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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