i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
