Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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