Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
