I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
