no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
babies were throwing up all over the place
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize