Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
