If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
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