you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
