Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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