Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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