Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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