how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
