I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
