i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
In America we eat man semen.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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