I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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