At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
