is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
