The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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