Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
